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Church Tales

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Aug 15, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers
    passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat,
    the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for
    me Daddy, I'm under five."

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service,
    his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the
    boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
    "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do
    is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on
    and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
    "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny
    sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father
    asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,
    "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and
    I want to stay with you guys!"

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do
    you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I
    don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
    stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A
    stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open,
    and the character would plunge through. The play was well received.
    When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was
    quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I
    descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor
    began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on
    the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up
    and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
    Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety
    seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still
    and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and
    whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose
    his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It
    worked."

    ?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø, ,ø?º°`°º?

    A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
    bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the
    book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
    stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up,
    "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made
    me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
    "Yes a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
    "God's getting better at it, isn't he?":D :nod: