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Diet Rules For Cheater

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Aug 14, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    Diet Rules For Cheater
    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

    2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

    3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

    4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

    5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

    6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

    7. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no FAT content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.

    8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

    9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.

    NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted
    for any other food color.

    10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.











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  2. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    And those diet foods are great! If it has half the calories, you can eat twice as much! (Burp . . . ) :rolleyes:
     

  3. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Doglips: What about subsituting wine, beer and liquor for water...They're all liquid.

    Another thing...I didn't know you were a dietician, too. (ha) You've been into lots of trades.
     
  4. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    I call it diversity...other call it "cant keep a job"....I look on it as an intersting resume...others say I bounce around like a hyper active chipmunk on crack.
     
  5. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    This guy at work used to crack me up, was always on a diet ,but ate like a pig. He always had a 6 pack of diet pop though. I asked him why he even bothered and he'd say"hey just think of all the calories i'm saving by drinking this pop". He'd usually say that right after scarfing down a whole large pizza and ice cream!
     
  6. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    Every job I have had since I got out of the Marines has been in all most entirely Felmale offices....includeing a 4 1/2 year stint as the "token" male at a Group foster "ranch" for teenage girls....add 3 daughters, 2 sisters and a wife and turst me I know about diets...