English designated things as either male or female

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 14, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

    Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate objects a gender. In French, for example, this determines whether you use “laâ€￾ or “le in front of the noun. If English designated things as either male or female, here are a few of our recommendations...

    COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

    HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

    HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

    HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

    KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

    REMOTE CONTROL: Female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider … it gives a man pleasure. He'd be lost without it. Lastly while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

    SHOES: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

    SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

    SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

    SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

    TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

    WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.

    ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.