Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate objects a gender. In French, for example, this determines whether you use â€œlaâ€ or â€œle in front of the noun. If English designated things as either male or female, here are a few of our recommendations... COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part. HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. REMOTE CONTROL: Female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider â€¦ it gives a man pleasure. He'd be lost without it. Lastly while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. SHOES: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated. WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on. ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.