EVIL QUIZ If you think you've got what it takes to be a supervillain, then please take the following placement quiz. This is to test your evil potential, and determine whether you possess the necessary attributes to make it in today's evil world. QUESTION #1: How do you start your morning routine? A) Wake up at 6:00 A.M. and sing merrily in the shower! B) A five mile jog and rigorous set of exercises. C) Hit the snooze alarm for the tenth time in as many minutes. D) Have a cup of coffee, read the daily newspaper and then plot the downfall of western civilization. QUESTION #2: Which of the following job skills do you possess? A) Excellent management potential. B) Ability to focus on the task at hand. C) Looking busy whenever the boss walks by. D) How to explain your master plan in under sixty seconds. QUESTION #3: What did you want to be when you grew up? A) A policeman B) A doctor C) A ballerina D) Supreme dark overlord of all mankind. Either that or a lawyer. QUESTION #4: Do you have any pets? A) A big lovable dog. B) A bird of some sort. C) An iguana. D) A white furry cat that you stroke constantly. QUESTION #5: How do you normally spend your weekends? A) Sports activities in the great outdoors. B) Watching television. C) Hanging out with friends. D) Constructing doomsday devices in your basement. QUESTION #6: What are your religious beliefs? A) Monotheistic: Christian, Jewish, Muslim B) Pantheistic: Buddhist, Hindu, Pagan C) Atheist or Agnostic D) I am actually an ancient Babylonian God awoken from a terrible sleep and destined to destroy all mankind. QUESTION #7: What torments you in your greatest nightmares? A) A fiery building from which you cannot escape. B) Monsters that tear you limb from limb. C) Your ex-wife demanding alimony payments. D) Unicorns, rainbows, and puppy dogs with big eyes. QUESTION #8: What would you say is the greatest threat to society today? A) Crime, drugs, and gangs. B) Corporations run amok. C) Nuclear war. D) Me. QUESTION #9: What is your normal reaction whenever confronted by a holy symbol, garlic, silver weapon or holy water? A) Feel the divine light surround your spiritual aura. B) Bewildered confusion. C) Chuckle at their superstitious beliefs. D) Run away while screaming: "It burns! It burns!" QUESTION #10: It's the end of the world. An atomic blast has just leveled the cities and destroyed the human race. Mutants now walk the streets and the seas have boiled away to nothing. You've just seen your best friend torn to pieces, and civilization as you know it is over. Do you... A) Vow to someday rebuild society. B) Double over in grief and wait for a painful death. C) Try to remember the plot to "The Road Warrior." D) Congratulate yourself on a job well done. ANSWERS Tally up your answers, and find out which letter you answered the most. Mostly A's, B's or C's - You unfortunately do not possess the necessary qualities to be an evil supervillain. Please continue with your studies and apply again next year. Mostly D's - Excellent.