Here's a few examples of bad writing at its best. Who says students can no longer write? (Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays): ****** Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. ****** His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. ***** She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. ***** The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. ***** McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. ***** Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. ***** Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. ***** Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. ***** He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. ***** The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. ***** Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph. ***** The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. ***** They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. ***** John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. ***** The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. ***** The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. ***** He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. ***** Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut. ***** The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" ***** Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. **** The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. ***** The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. ***** "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. ***** He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. ***** Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." ***** She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. ***** It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. ***** The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. ***** The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. ***** The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. ***** The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. ***** It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. ***** He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. ***** She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. ***** Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. ***** She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. ***** She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. ***** Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. ***** It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.