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examples of bad writing at its best

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Aug 24, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Here's a few examples of bad writing at its best. Who says students can no longer write?
    (Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays):

    ******

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    ******

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
    underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    *****

    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
    dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open
    again.

    *****

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
    ball wouldn't.

    *****

    McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
    vegetable soup.

    *****

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    *****

    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

    *****

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    *****

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    *****

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
    in hot grease.

    *****

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
    grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
    Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm
    at a speed of 35 mph.

    *****

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr
    Pepper can.

    *****

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    *****

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
    never met.

    *****

    The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
    metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    *****

    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

    *****

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
    River.

    *****

    Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
    that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    *****

    The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
    portion of "Jeopardy!"

    *****

    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    ****

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
    just might work.

    *****

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
    while.

    *****

    "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
    freshman on $1-a-beer night.

    *****

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real
    duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
    something.

    *****

    Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
    from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

    *****

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
    before it throws up.

    *****

    It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
    seen before.

    *****

    The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.)
    in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry
    Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment
    of President William Jefferson Clinton.

    *****

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
    her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    *****

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
    his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
    surcharge-free ATM.

    *****

    The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
    set on medium.

    *****

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
    tools.

    *****

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
    were a garbage truck backing up.

    *****

    She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.

    *****

    Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
    cleanser.

    *****

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature
    Canadian beef.

    *****

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    *****

    Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal
    paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

    *****

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
    wall.



    :D
     
  2. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
    in hot grease. YUMMY! :p
     

  3. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Yes...but I'll pass on eating them. They're too salty.
    :)
     
  4. Klaus

    Klaus G&G Newbie

    The fourth one looks like something Douglas Adams wrote.
     
  5. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Review about Douglas Adam's writing's

    Klaus: Here's a little more about Douglas Adams...
    ----------------
    Life, the Universe, and Everything: An Interview with Douglas Adams by David Silverman

    For the rare reader who does not already know all about him, Douglas Adams is the creator of all the various manifestations of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which include a radio series, a TV series, a stage play, record albums, a computer game, a series of internationally best-selling books, a set of graphic novels, and a bath towel.

    In a long and varied career Mr. Adams has also written the Dirk Gently novels, a non-fiction book (Last Chance to See) on endangered species, worked as a chicken-shed cleaner, a bodyguard for an Arab royal family, and played guitar for Pink Floyd.

    He’s brilliant, he’s witty, he’s an Atheist, and he has quite a bit to say about Atheism, Agnosticism, and religion.

    --------------

    I don't subscribe to his beliefs but those are the facts about Douglas Adams.
    Oxford:nod: