ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT TO ASPIRING CIVILIAN SPIES: "FILL OUT THIS ANONYMOUS TIP FORM!" Statement by the Attorney General THE ATTORNEY GENERAL: Good morning. Please be seated. Today, I am proud to be able to arm the good people of our great nation with a powerful and long-overdue weapon in the fight against terrorism. As part of my glorious brainchild Operation TIPS, thousands of patriotically suspicious Americans will have the ability to deputize themselves as law enforcement officers - and collect the evidence which will allow us to root out undesirables once and for all. As such, all aspiring citizen informants are directed to make use of this form: The Operation Tips Anonymous Lead Form. Available over the internet, you are encouraged to print out and complete as many copies as may be required to focus the searing light of justice on every last America-hating miscreant in your community. Thank you.