From a friend of mine in Arizona! what a hoot!

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Jun 20, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    We have moved into our house now so I'm learning the real desert life. Here are some pages from my diary.

    Dear Diary:

    May 30th:

    Just moved to Scottsdale, AZ...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny
    days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a
    blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

    June 14th:

    Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an
    air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun

    June 30th:

    Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a
    breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

    July 10th:

    The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat?
    At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer
    that I expected.

    July 15th:

    Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work,
    what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate
    like this.

    July 20th:

    I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to
    the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all
    over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like
    Kibbles and SHITS. No more pets in this heat.

    July 25th:

    The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home
    air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
    he needed to order parts.

    July 30th:

    Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in **** house payments and we
    can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

    Aug. 4th:

    It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature
    down a little, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid repairman
    pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

    Aug. 8th:

    If another wise *** cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. ****
    heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I
    smell like a dead cat!!

    Aug. 9th:

    Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
    I thought my *** was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ***.
    Now my car smells like burnt *** and fried cat.

    Aug. 10th:

    The weather report might as well be a **** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too
    hot to do **** for 2 **** months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
    Doesn't it ever rain in this barren **** desert?? Water rationing will be next, so $1700 worth of cactus
    just might dry up and blow into the **** pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.

    Aug. 14th:

    Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the ****
    windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife
    had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona.
  2. jerry

    jerry Since 03-15- 2002 Forum Contributor

    I lived in AZ for 7 years. honestly, I hated it the first year. You REALLY have to adapt. I have always claimed there are two seasons; Summer & Hell. Summer is what most folk call winter, well, you know the other.
    It got so hot once the ground temp exceeded the limitations for cranking aircraft engines. This didn't even happen in the Gulf. I am excited to be going there this Winter (Summer) :)

  3. Klaus

    Klaus Guest

    I don't get the humidity references. Thought Arizona was pretty dry.
  4. colt45

    colt45 Guest

    Good God man I almost peed myself laughing. I love the cat thing.
  5. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    One of my Aunts lived for a while in Kingman, Arizona. She had no lawn. Water was trucked to her neighborhood and stored in tanks at each house. She was happy to leave. I agree with Klaus, I thought it was a "dry heat"?
  6. Aha.

    It IS a dry heat here in Arizona. Unless, of course, the humidity reaches around 14%.

    I can handle the heat until it reaches 115. Then it becomes a little uncomfortable for me.
  7. jerry

    jerry Since 03-15- 2002 Forum Contributor

    A bit of a drought right now, but oh man look out during monsoon season. humidity can rival a good midwestern day. bad thing is a lot of people in AZ at least Tucson have Swamp cooler (evaportaive coolers) they only make thing worse when the humidity comes a calli'n.
  8. Any one remember when it hit 122 degrees at Sky Harbor airport? They shut down the entire airport because they werent sure if planes would have enough lift to take off in such heat. It was 117 that day in Tucson and I was working on a roof! Dry heat my butt....its still hot.
  9. Eric

    Eric Guest

    Ox, that was hilarious! I Love it.
    The funniest thing I've EVER read was a story just like that except it was titled "A southerner moves north" I kept a copy of that around for years, but after this last move it has disappeared, (I know because I looked for it to post it after reading yours). Does ANYBODY have a copy of that one? Please post it! Good Shooting!
  10. jerry

    jerry Since 03-15- 2002 Forum Contributor

    I remember it getting to 117 in Tucson, can't remember the exact yr, but we couldn't fly our A-10's I'm thinking it was 90 or 91 I'm sure ther were others. matter of fact , I think it was more like 119 or 120 that year. Oh heck, whats a couple of degres between friends!