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Fun Facts????

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Jul 26, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
    pants.

    2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

    3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    4. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

    5. I don't do drugs anymore...I get the same effect just standing up fast.

    6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

    7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

    8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
    with.

    9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    11. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

    12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

    13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and s***head's.

    14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!

    15. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

    17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

    18. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

    19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

    20. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

    21. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    22. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

    24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"