NEW WEAPON AGAINST TERRORISM GOVERNMENT TO ISSUE DUCT TAPE TO EVERY CITIZEN Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has announced the plan to issue "duct tape" to every U.S. citizen to help fight terrorism. "Every citizen should have duct tape and we will see to it that all citizens have this new important weapon. "Operation Duct Tape" will see to that! Oh...and we also plan on anthrax and small pox vaccines and a couple of those radiation pills in case some nuclear plant goes belly up.", Ridge was quoted. We were told that the reason to issue duct tape was to enable every person to be able to make a citizen's arrest and hold suspects until the authorities arrive, but it's use would not be limited to that. Attorney General Ashcroft got the idea while watching a T.V. program where kids were duct taping their principal to the wall. Ashcroft was about to call the F.B.I. to have the kids arrested when it was explained to him that this was a fund raiser and the principal had volunteered to be taped. "Oh...well it would have been better if he would have recited the pledge of allegiance while hanging on the wall!" said Ashcroft. The idea was presented to President Bush and after discussing this with other members of his administration he decided to implement it immediately. President Bush was reported to be very excited about the project after other uses for duct tape were explained to him. "This stuff is great! I thought you could only fix cars with it!" If Ashcroft had some of this he could have covered that naked statue that bothered him so much instead of buying that million dollar curtain!" ,said Bush.