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Government To Issue Duct Tape To Every Citizen

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Aug 9, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    NEW WEAPON AGAINST TERRORISM

    GOVERNMENT TO ISSUE DUCT TAPE TO EVERY CITIZEN

    Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has announced the plan to issue "duct tape" to every U.S. citizen to help fight terrorism. "Every citizen should have duct tape and we will see to it that all citizens have this new important weapon. "Operation Duct Tape" will see to that! Oh...and we also plan on anthrax and small pox vaccines and a couple of those radiation pills in case some nuclear plant goes belly up.", Ridge was quoted. We were told that the reason to issue duct tape was to enable every person to be able to make a citizen's arrest and hold suspects until the authorities arrive, but it's use would not be limited to that.
    Attorney General Ashcroft got the idea while watching a T.V. program where kids were duct taping their principal to the wall. Ashcroft was about to call the F.B.I. to have the kids arrested when it was explained to him that this was a fund raiser and the principal had volunteered to be taped. "Oh...well it would have been better if he would have recited the pledge of allegiance while hanging on the wall!" said Ashcroft. The idea was presented to President Bush and after discussing this with other members of his administration he decided to implement it immediately. President Bush was reported to be very excited about the project after other uses for duct tape were explained to him. "This stuff is great! I thought you could only fix cars with it!" If Ashcroft had some of this he could have covered that naked statue that bothered him so much instead of buying that million dollar curtain!" ,said Bush.
     

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  2. jerry

    jerry Since 2002 Forum Contributor

    20,273
    3,055
    USA
    Hey, don't make fun. I'm currently using duct tape to keep wart medicine on the bottom of my foot! the only thing that works. Also repaired an old mail jeep with it yesterday and fixed my daughters pool today.
     

  3. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    It's the best tool invented since bailing wire and pliers.
     
  4. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    I'm the "Duct tape guru" here at work. For the last two years, it's the only stuff that'll hold our Christmas Party decorations up - I use the camo tape for the green wreaths and garnish, it blends right in. It's great at the range for an emergency bandage, just use a clean bore patch and d/t it on.
    I'm a devotee of the Red Green Show, too. There are some good things to come out of Canada!
     
  5. Eric

    Eric G&G Newbie

    673
    0
    USA
    Duct tape is just like the 'FORCE'. It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together.
     
  6. I busted up two middle fingers on my left hand in a mule training accident three weeks ago. I just duct taped them together.
    Last week at church my doctor spotted my hand.

    He said "Obviously you haven't had that hand checked out. You don't even know if bones are broke or what! You think Duct tape works for everything don't ya." I hope you at least put gauze under that tape."
    I said "Yes I did and the tape seems to be working great so far."

    Hud
     
  7. oneastrix

    oneastrix G&G Newbie

    If you can't "duck" it, $%&$ it!