HOW MANY CHURCH-MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? CHARISMATIC: Only one. Hands already in the air. PENTECOSTALS: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. PRESBYTERIANS: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times. ROMAN CATHOLIC: None. Candles only. BAPTISTS: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve thechange and decide who brings the potato salad. CHURCH OF CHRIST: Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the scriptures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men. EPISCOPALIANS: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better. METHODISTS : Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. NAZARENE: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. AMISH: What's a light bulb? UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: None. The lights are on, but no one's home. MORMONS: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.