How Many Church Members To Change a Light Bulb?

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 20, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

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    HOW MANY CHURCH-MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?


    CHARISMATIC: Only one. Hands already in the air.

    PENTECOSTALS: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    PRESBYTERIANS: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    ROMAN CATHOLIC: None. Candles only.

    BAPTISTS: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve thechange and decide who brings the potato salad.

    CHURCH OF CHRIST: Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the scriptures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men.

    EPISCOPALIANS: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

    METHODISTS : Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.
    Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

    NAZARENE: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

    AMISH: What's a light bulb?

    UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

    JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: None. The lights are on, but no one's home.

    MORMONS: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
     
  2. BattleRifleG3

    BattleRifleG3 G&G Evangelist

    Episcopalian sould include an additional person holding the book instructing on the proper liturgy for changing the lightbulb.