This one's a classic, which I adapted to keep it current. Bill Gates, Illegitimate Senator Hillary Clinton, Pope John Paul II, and a young boy were all flying in an American Airlines flight. The pilots, being drunk, failed to see a flock of not ducks, not geese, but Andean Condors as they flew into them. As the plane took damage and the pilots began to lose control, they freaked out, grabbed their emergency parachutes, and bailed, leaving the four passengers to their own devices. After searching the cabin, they found that there were only three parachutes among the four of them. Bill Gates, being the one to take initiative, grabbed the first parachute and jumped out, shouting "I must go on in order to further technology and keep windows from working!" Hillary Clinton, compassionate as she is, screamed "I'm the smartest woman in the world, I have to live!" She grabbed a pack and jumped out. As the ground drew closer and the time left to jump grew slim, the Pope began to show his kindness in the ultimate way. "Son," he said to the boy, "I've lived a long and fullfilling life, and I believe that my time to go has come. Go, save your life, and serve the Lord." "That's ok," said the boy, handing the Pope a parachute while he strapped on his own. "The smartest woman in the world just jumped out with my bookbag."