It's So Hot In Kansas That.....

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Aug 12, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

    The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is pull one out and add
    butter, salt and pepper.

    The farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.


    The cows are giving evaporated milk.

    The trees are whistling for the dogs.

    A sad Central Kansan once prayed "I wish it would rain-not so much for me, "cuz I've seen
    it-but for my 7 year old."

    A visitor to central Kansas once asked. " Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly
    answered,"Yes it does. Do you remember the part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days
    and 40 nights?"

    The visitor replied. "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." Well said the rancher puffed up, "We
    got about two and a half inches of that,"


    You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

    You can say 110 degree's without fainting.

    You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

    You can make instant sun tea.

    You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

    When the temperature drops below 95 you feel a bit chilly.

    You discover that in July/August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

    You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

    You notice that the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

    Hot water now comes out of both taps.

    It's noon in July/August. the kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

    You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

    You break a sweat the instant you step outside and it's only 7:30 a.m.

    No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

    Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is,"what if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement
    and cook to death?"

    You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
  2. Eric

    Eric Guest

    I've been stationed there twice and that stuff is so true. Never did understand why people stopped in Kansas and didn't keep heading west. Unless they figured, "We'd better stop here before it gets any worse."

  3. oneastrix

    oneastrix G&G Newbie

    Sounds like Texas, too
  4. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Kansas has much more variety in terrain than you see along the interstate.

    I lived most of my life on a farm, before the age of 21, in southeatern Kansas near El Dorado and Wichita. The extremes in weather there were what we expected. Didn't like them but that's all we knew.

    After experiencing lots of tornados, severe drought, hail storms, blistering heat and blizzards, we thought we could withstand about anything.

    We didn't know anything about hurricanes, typhoons, volcanic erruptions, two or more foot snows, and some of the other extremes. In fact, I'd just as soon skip them.