Leno It was hot today! It was like 102 out. It was so hot that I saw a monster truck pulling Anna Nicole Smith down a Slip 'n Slide. It was so hot that the aliens stopped making crop circles and are now landing in Antarctica to make snow angels. It was so hot I was sweating like people holding US Air tickets. US Air is doing so bad that they now charge you for two seats if you just know a fat person! President Bush is on his vacation at his 1,600-acre ranch in Texas. The place is big. In fact, President Bush says thereâ€™s parts of the ranch that heâ€™s never been to â€“ like the library, the study and the living room. Iraq is now asking its citizens to take jobs as human shields in case of an attack by the United States. How bad is that economy that you have to take that job? And what if you donâ€™t get it â€“ how bad does that make you feel? Today a famous outrageous blonde said she didnâ€™t know why people are laughing at her TV show â€“ but enough about Martha Stewart. Today she showed how to make something new â€“ cooked goose! Tonya Harding has been sentenced to 10 days in jail for violating her probation by using alcohol. The judge was going to put her under house arrest but then he realized sheâ€™d just drive away. The government is telling us in order to avoid West Nile virus that we should not play with dead infected birds â€“ well, there go my weekend plans! The tourism board at Death Valley is wanting everyone to know that there are still plenty of rooms available at the Furnace Creek Ranch for the summer. Gee! I wonder why rooms are available â€“ I wonder why no one would want to stay in Death Valley during the summer at the Furnace Creek Ranch!