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MARTHA STEWART TURNS AWAY U.N. WEAPONS INSPECTORS

Domestic Diva Feared to be Developing Weapons of Mass Destruction

Martha Stewart refused to let U.N. weapons inspectors into her Westport, Connecticut kitchen today amid rumors that the increasingly embattled domestic diva was developing weapons of mass destruction.

Specifically, the weapons inspectors were alarmed by a recent episode of Ms. Stewart’s television program, which they said featured Ms. Stewart referring to “my secret recipe for a dirty bomb.â€

But a representative of Martha Stewart Omnimedia said the U.N. inspection team had misunderstood Ms. Stewart’s remark: “Martha said she had a secret recipe for a chocolate bombe, not a dirty bomb.â€

A U.N. spokesman, however, disputed this claim: “We’ve watched the tape at least a thousand times, and Ms. Stewart says ‘dirty bomb,’ which is why we would very much like to see what she’s cooking up in that Smallbone kitchen of hers.â€

The controversy involving the U.N. weapons inspectors is likely to rally support for a plan, currently making the rounds in the Bush administration, to use a three-pronged military attack – air, land, and sea -- to dislodge Ms. Stewart from her Westport kitchen.

According to the plan, which Pentagon insiders say is still in the “concept†stage, Ms. Stewart could then be replaced with a domestic diva who is friendlier to the U.S., such as Nigella Lawson of the “Nigella Bites†cooking show.

Another plan making the rounds envisions CIA agents aiding and abetting an uprising of ordinary citizens in Westport who would force Ms. Stewart out for good.

The participants in such an uprising would most likely be drawn from the ranks of Ms. Stewart’s neighbors, gardeners, staff members, and anyone else who has come into contact with Ms. Stewart in the last twenty-five years.
 

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YOU TALKIN' TO ME!?
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Chocolate is dangerous...It made my wifes arse blow up! :eek: :D
 

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Ironically, just this morning, I was messing around the house and heard a deep voice talking about cooking.

When I walked in the living room that deep voice belonged to Martha.....EEEEEEEE GAD!

With all the bad press she is getting about insider information and stock trading and the likelihood she will be indicted, I'm surprised stations are even carrying her.

Her royalty check from K-mart must not be that great anymore....with the backlash of what they did to the American consumer market....I wonder why? he he he he.
 
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