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Martha Stewart's Tips For Rednecks

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Jul 14, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    GENERAL:
    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT
    1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
    2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
    3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
    4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.:D
     
  2. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    Dagnabbit, ah always wundered why them townsfolk look at me all funny!