MEN - Watch What You Say to Women! Danger!

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Sep 11, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

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    - MEN - Watch What You Say to Women! Danger!
    THE HORMONE HOSTAGE!

    The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

    DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
    SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
    SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

    DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

    DANGEROUS: What are you SO worked up about?
    SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
    SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

    DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
    SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
    AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE . . . . .

    DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
    SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
    SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

    The definition of PMS........Pack My Suitcase

    MENSPEAK (THE LANGUAGE OF MEN)

    Translations for What Men Say:

    "I'm going fishing."
    Means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

    "It's a guy thing."
    Means..."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

    "Can I help with dinner?"
    Means..."Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

    "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear."
    Means...Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.

    "It would take too long to explain."
    Means..."I have no idea how it works."

    "We're going to be late."
    Means..."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

    "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
    Means..."I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

    "Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
    Means..."I can't hear the TV over the vacuum cleaner."

    "That's interesting dear."
    Means..."Are you still talking?"

    "It's a really good movie."
    Means.."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

    "That's women's work."
    Means..."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

    "You know how bad my memory is."
    Means..."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

    "I was just thinking about you and got you these roses."
    Means..."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

    "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
    Means..."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

    "I can't find it."
    Means..."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

    "What did I do this time?"
    Means..."What did you catch me at?"

    "You know I could never love anyone else."
    Means..."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

    "You look terrific"
    Means..."Oh God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving!"

    "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
    Means..."No one will ever see us alive again."

    "We share the housework."
    Means..."I make the messes, she cleans them up."
     
  2. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Doglips:

    #3's what I should have said but I usually blurt out #1. Keeps me in deep sxxx all the time at home. (ha)