A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a trim before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. ''I'm afraid not, sir,'' the clerk told him apologetically, ''but down the hall is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'' Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whir. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, ''Manicures - 25 cents.'' "Why not?'' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a huge sign that read, ''This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives -- 50 cents.'' The salesman looked both ways, put in fifty cents, unzipped his fly and stuck his penis into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis...with a button perfectly sewn on top.