close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

More on Ole and Lena

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Jun 18, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    OLE AND LENA'S HONEYMOON:

    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis
    when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go
    farther den dat if you vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.


    OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS:

    When the Norwegian accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw
    in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents."


    THAT'S HER!:

    A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police lineup. As the victim
    entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, "Yep, dat's her!"


    SWIM COMPETITION:

    A Norwegian woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the
    Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The French woman came
    in first, the English woman second. The Norwegian woman reached shore completely
    exhausted. She remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der
    arms."


    FAMOUS INVENTIONS:

    The Swedes invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it.


    VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE:

    Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish.
    "The vay I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one,
    "At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.


    FINGERNAILS:

    One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole,
    of his habit of biting his nails. "Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?"

    "It vas really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."


    THE RELATIONS:

    Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were
    sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee.
    "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?" he asked.

    "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."


    MUSIC SOLUTION:

    Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was
    doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."

    "How come?" asked Lars.

    "Vell," Ole answered, "because vit a clarinet, she can't sing.


    :nod: