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Noah And Today's Ark

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, May 11, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    Noah And Today's Ark
    ( Author unknown )

    The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going
    to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and
    all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want
    to save a few good people and two of every living thing on
    the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of
    lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

    "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and
    fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

    "Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You
    better have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"

    Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began
    to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in
    his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

    "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt
    crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there
    were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for
    the ark's construction, but your plans did not meet their code.
    So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into
    a long argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."

    "My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning
    ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get
    a variance from the city planning board."

    "Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark,
    because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl.
    I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and
    Wildlife Service that I! needed the wood to save the owls, but then
    they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls."

    "Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an
    animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of
    each kind."

    "Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
    couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact
    statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the
    idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a "Supreme
    Being."

    "Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood
    plan. I sent them a globe!"

    "Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
    Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm
    supposed to hire."

    "The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to
    leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I
    owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the
    ark in less than five years."

    With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
    arched across the sky.

    Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy
    the world?" he asked hopefully.

    "No," said the Lord, "the government already has."