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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
... and without the technical details, they all die. The three of them are standing in line outside of the pearly gates where St Peter addresses each of them in turn. BattleRifle, being reformed, doesn't believe St Peter actually holds the keys to the kingdom, but finds himself in the line nonetheless. He's not worried, being generally predestinarian, so he's calmly waiting his turn while NRAJOE slaps Rufus frequently.

First to be addressed by St Peter is NRAJOE, who walks up to him with a confident smile and a cigar. "NRAJOE," he says, yanking the cigar from his mouth and throwing it beneath the clouds, starting a forest fire in the Amazon, "I have to tell you that you only got into heaven by this much. Therefore, you get a seat next to that girl over there for all eternity." NRAJOE looks over and sees a girl who's quite hideous, but has quite an eager smile upon the prospect of immediate company. NRAJOE gives Peter a distressed look, to which Peter replies with a stern face and points straight for the girl. Amused, Rufus laughs and gets one last SLAP from NRAJOE before he enters the gates of heaven.

Next up comes Rufus, who hopes that his relentless abuse by the hand of NRAJOE would gain him some sympathy. Peter looks at his book and says, shaking his head, "Rufus, Rufus, Rufus... You got into heaven by this much. So you need to sit by that girl over there for all eternity." He points inward and though one might not imagine any girl looking as badly as the one next to NRAJOE, this one held the same record for ugliness. Rufus hangs his head in sorrow and walks in to join her.

Looking over to NRAJOE, Rufus sees him taking a comforting distraction in caressing his Bulgarian AK. While there is no death or destruction in heaven, things of beauty such as an AK apparently remain in a purely friendly state.

BattleRifle, by this point, is getting worried. None of this lines up with the heaven described in the Bible, and he's wondering what sort of a sham this is. He nervously steps up to St Peter and is greeted with a smile. "BattleRifle, you were set for heaven the whole time and I just got happier each day you lived. Except for that one time... never mind. Come in and join that dear lady over there." He points to one of the most beautiful young women in the world, second only to his dearest love Wolfhuntress. He sparks up a conversation, and catches up with Peter walking past later. "St Peter..." he asks, still confused about the day's events. "Oh you can just call me Pete, between saints, you know," St Peter replies with a wink. "No, I have to know..." he continues, theological discrepancies filling his mind, particularly total depravity and other issues that leave him unable to accept the idea of getting better treatment in heaven than others who are there. "Why is it that I get to accompany this girl while those others don't get the same?"

"Well," replied St Peter in the same tone he addressed the first two Gunandgamers, "She got into heaven by this much!"
 

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"This Much" was too close for comfort. Gotta pay the penalty now.:joker:
I'd give BRG3 the award for the best joke of the week for his post.:drink: :right:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
The quote I've heard is "beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder." But I don't drink beer, so the only explanation is that it's true. ;)
 
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