Proud to be a Midwestern American!

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Oct 14, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    This post has been around before but It's still relevant and timely.
    A message from rural Midwest: Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
    Easterners and Californians cross states such as Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska,
    North Dakota, South Dakota, and Wisconsin, the Midwest Tourism Councils have adopted
    a new policy.

    In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be
    handed to each person as they enter each Midwestern state.

    1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
    Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of my way.

    3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We
    got over it.

    4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women will get you whipped . . . by our women.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the
    handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.

    6.Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
    You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time.

    8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

    9. No, there's no "vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
    Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

    11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

    12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million
    dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

    13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even
    stop when it's yellow.

    14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at
    the bait shop.

    16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two
    ways and Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.

    17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get
    breakfast at the church.

    18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

    19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

    20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name
    is 'Sir' matter how old he is.

    Now, enjoy your visit and then go home. Proud to be a Midwestern American!
    :nod: :assult: