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Redneck Jedi

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Apr 23, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    Redneck Jedi
     A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
     A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.
     At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
     More than half the droids you own don't function.
     Sandpeople back down from your mama.
     The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
     The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
     The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
     The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
     There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
     Wookies are offended by your B.O.
     You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
     You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.
     You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
     You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
     You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
     You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
     You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
     You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
     You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.
     You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
     You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
     You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
     You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
     You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
     You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
     You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
     You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.
     You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
     You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
     You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
     You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.
     You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
     You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.
     Your father has ever said to you, shoot, son come on over t' the dark side, it'll be a hoot.
     Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
     Your master ever said, my finger you will pull, hmmm?
     Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
     You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
     You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.
     You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DWI.
     
  2. Doglips, what can I say? Nothing, I'm laughing too much!