Redneck Pilot

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Jun 6, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Any resemblance to any of the addressees is purely accidental!

    You Might Be A Redneck Pilot If:
    * Your stall warning plays Dixie.
    * Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
    * You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
    * You've thought of using moonshine as AV gas.
    * You have mud flaps on your wheel pants.
    * Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
    * Your fishing lures keep sticking your fingers while stored in your pocket.
    * You've thought about just taxiing around the airport drinking beer.
    * You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman "Yankee".
    * You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
    * The side of your airplane has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
    * You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
    * You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
    * You refer to flying in formation as "We've got us a convoy".
    * Your matched set of luggage is 3 grocery sacks from Piggly Wiggly.
    * You have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.
    * You fuel your airplane from a mason jar.
    * You've got a gun rack hanging on the passenger window.
    * You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
    * Your preflight includes removing all the clover, grass and wheat from the
    landing gear.
    * You figure the weight of mud and manure on your airplane into the CG
    * You siphon gas out of your tractor to put in your airplane.
    * You've never really actually landed at an airport, although you've been
    flying for years.
    * You've ground looped a Cub after hitting a cow.
    * You consider anything above 100 feet AGL as "High Altitude".
    * There are parts on your airplane labeled "John Deere".
    * You've never really actually seen a sectional, but have all the Texaco
    road maps for your area (but they're 20 years old).
    * You answer all calls from female controllers with "That's a big ten-four
    little Darlin'."
    * There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco
    stains on the left.
    * You have to buzz the strip to chase off all the sheep and goats.
    * You use your parachute to cover your plane.
    * You've landed on the main street of your town for a cup of coffee.
    * You fly to family reunions to meet girls.
    * You've won the "Bob Wire" award at a spot landing contest.
    * The tread pattern on your main gear tires doesn't match. Or, there is no
    tread pattern on your main gear tires.
    * Your best com radio has 90 channels.
    * You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
    * You have a bale of hay and a hound in the baggage compartment.
    * Your instructor's day job was at the community sale barn.
    * You've got matching bumper stickers on your vertical fin.
    * There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
    * There is a brown-stained Styrofoam cup strategically stored in the
    glove box.
    * The FAA still thinks your mailing address is your parent's house.
    * You think ZULU time means something to do with Africa.
    * Your hangar collapses and more than four dogs are injured.
    * Your airplane has a sticker that says, "I'd rather be fishing".
    * You navigate with your ADF tuned to country music stations.
    * You think "Ultralite" is a new beer from Budweiser.