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Redneck?

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Aug 24, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    You Might Be a Redneck If...

    * You trim your beard and find a French fry.
    * You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
    * You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
    * Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat".
    * Your car alarm eats dog food.
    * Your car burns more oil than gas.
    * Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
    * Your horse can count higher than you.
    * Your idea of cleaning is throwing everything in the back yard.
    * Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
    * Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
    * Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.
    * Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
    * You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
    * You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
    * You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
    * You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.
    * You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.
    * You bought a VCR to record Rasslin' while you're at work.
    * Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
    * You've ever stolen a bulldozer.
    * All of your four-letter words are two syllables.
    * You cut your toenails in front of company.
    * You've ever been too drunk to fish.
    * You think women are turned on by animal sounds.
    * You think women are turned on by tongue gestures.
    * You have to dress the kids up to go to Wal*Mart.
    * You grow a beard because hey, it looks good on your sister.
    * You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.
    * You know how many bales of hay your car can hold.
    * You made a hot tub with a trolling motor.
    * You have a tattoo that says "Mother" and its spelled wrong.
    * Your satellite dish payments delays buying back-to-school
    clothes for the kids.
    * Your sister's child looks just like you.
    * You've ever given rat traps as a gift.
    * Your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive-in theater.
    * The Home Shopping Club operator recognizes your voice.
    * You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
    * In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you start eating Spam Lite.
    :nod: