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Southerner's Horoscope

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, Aug 9, 2002.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people
    who read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and
    the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners

    OKRA (Dec 22-Jan 20). Although you appear crude, you are actually very
    slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can
    look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay
    away from Moon Pies.

    CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19). Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin,
    however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of
    seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like
    Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

    BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20). You have an overwhelming curiosity.
    You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to
    bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
    intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right
    mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

    MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20). You're the type who spends a lot of time
    on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of
    Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody
    who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
    This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

    OPOSSUM (April 21 - May 21). When confronted with life's difficulties,
    opossums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
    don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
    people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
    psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it
    won't work, and you may find your problems actually running over you.

    CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21). Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
    office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer
    the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub
    to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically,
    but you have very very good heads.

    COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23). Collards have a genius for communication.
    They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence
    with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social
    workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life
    goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work.
    Save yourself a lot of heartache.

    CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23). Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
    heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You
    Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer muddy bottoms to
    the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from
    Moon Pies.

    GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23). Your highest aim is to be with others like
    youself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
    You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a
    club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon,
    butter, or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these
    things, that serves you well.

    BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23). You have a passionate desire to help
    your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends
    and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and
    their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really
    much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody
    you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the
    road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop
    for you.

    BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22). Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
    because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter
    Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at
    home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However,
    you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

    ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21). You have a tendency to develop a tough
    exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old
    friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a
    throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're
    not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in
    your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another
    Armadillo, but Opossum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.
    :D ;) :nod:
  2. Wayne

    Wayne G&G Newbie

    So I'm a Chitlin!!!! Hand slung or stump whupped?


    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    I'm a Boll Weevil, so I said see honey, I told you, you aren't in your right mind!
  4. I'm a moon pie myself. The description is frighteningly accurate. I'm kinda partial to them when I'm in "the mood". Great job.
  5. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    I'm proud to be a Boll Weevil! That description is dead-on.
  6. Eric

    Eric G&G Newbie

    Yep I'm a Collard and it is pretty much correct, Hooty Hoo!