The Doctor Says... --- But He REALLY Means... "Well, what have we here...?" --- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" --- I'm stalling for time. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." --- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "Let me check your medical history." --- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you. "Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." --- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,you're going to pay for it. "This should be taken care of right away." --- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Let me schedule you for some lab tests." --- I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "Let's see how it develops." --- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." --- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." --- I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." --- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues. "This should fix you up." --- The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works... "Everything seems to be normal." --- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." --- I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.