The Irish Toastmaster: A good Irish Catholic man, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest to determine who could make the best toast. O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life... Between the legs of me own lovely wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, and what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life... Sittin' in church aside me darlin' wife." "Oh that is very nice indeed, John!", Mary said. The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary." She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!"