THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Oxford, May 13, 2008.

  1. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    Law of Mechanical Repair
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    Law of Gravity
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    The Law of probability
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of Random Numbers
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

    Law of the Alibi
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

    Law of the Bath
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters
    The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Result
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theater
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    The Starbucks Law
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers
    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Physical Surfaces
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Logical Argument
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.


    Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    Doctors' Law
    If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2008
  2. TXplt

    TXplt Gun Toting Boeing Driver Forum Contributor

    LOL

    The mechanical repair one has usually happened to me when I've been working with Super Glue.

    Where's the one which says, after hours of no one calling, all the phones ring at once ?
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2008

  3. Midas

    Midas Chief Troll B' Gone Forum Contributor

    LOl good one Ox!
     
  4. squirrelblaster

    squirrelblaster G&G Enthusiast Forum Contributor

    very nice! i realy like this!
     
  5. I can totally relate to the itch and have to pee the minute your hands get greasy as well. lol

    Funny stuff OX, funny stuff.
     
  6. MrsS

    MrsS G&G Enthusiast

    Haaahahahahaaa...
     
  7. CalifgirlinOk

    CalifgirlinOk G&G Evangelist

    13,685
    86
    When I was in high school my friend got a BIG pimple on her nose and I made fun of it.I told her I never get pimples that big on my nose.The next day I had a nasty zit on the tip of my nose. I got paid back......:34: