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Discussion in 'Humor Forum' started by animalspooker, Oct 17, 2016.
At least one kid destined to not be a snowflake!!
This kid will head FEMA one day.....
where'd you find my third grade weather test?
Me in answer- "Yes< I met them when I was putting the handcuffs on them."
WHaT IS UP WiTh THE MIxED CApITaL LETtERS AND SmALL LEtTERS IN ThE WOrDS On ThEsE TEsTS?
I swear the gubmint is intentionally trying to confuse students to make them ignorant!
hey now I misspelled too, too.
but that was back when my writing was legible unlike now.
Where was the outrage when Obozo released the terrorists?
Speaks for itself.
It could be worse. We get those questions, plus a whole lot more. Here are questions you get from Yankees when you tell them you're from Alabama, and my answers:
1: Do you still sic dogs on black people?
A. No, they make up 20% of the population in the state, more than 70% of the population of the city, and 90% of the population of my old neighborhood.
B. Their pit bulls tend to not be intimidated by our Bichon Frises.
C. No you idiot, that was decades ago. Do you still oppress Italians and the Irish?
D. No. They kept shooting the dogs.
2: I hear you just recently got plumbing and electricity down there. Is that true?
A. Yup, 70-80 years ago. About 10-20 years before half the Midwest. Seriously, about five minutes after the home AC system was invented everyone in the South decided electricity was a necessity.
B. Do you still not have air conditioning? Wait, really? City water? Not that either, hmm. Fiber optic cable and internet? Nope? Three to four months of bikini weather? Smooth roads? Cars that aren't covered in rust within 5 years? Wow, which one of us is behind the times?
C. We also just recently got all the factories that left your state.
D. Yup, we shor nuff did. The importun thang is to know which one ya pee on, and which one ya th'ow the toaster in. I made some mistakes early on.
3: Do people still marry their cousins?
A. No, you have us confused with Ohio, Utah and Pennsylvania. I can produce the statistics if you want.
B. Yup. I married my Vietnamese cousin.
C. You mean you don't marry yours? Then how do you know if they are good kissers before the wedding night?
D. Nope, all my cousins are dudes...not that that stops anyone from your neck of the woods.
4: Does everyone live in a trailer?
A. No. Many of us live in houses or apartments, and since property taxes and property values are so much lower down here, and the cost of living is better, you could probably live in a place three times larger than the one you are living in now just by moving.
B. No, but we do have an annual trailer park sacrifice to the tornado gods.
C. Yes. The governor's mansion is a double wide. I live in a rusted out Winnebago. There is nothing down here but trailer parks, so there is no point you coming to visit. Just stay where you are.
D. Have you been checked for mental defects?
5: Is everyone down there racist?
A. No, but if you Yankees don't stop coming down here we'll have more racists than we can handle.
B. Isn't that a prejudicial comment?
C. Yes. That's why nearly 20% 0f people under the age of 40 are in mixed relationships. A few more generations and we can breed that pesky racism away.
D. Nope, just the Democrats.
6: The schools are so much worse down there. Why is Alabama so behind?
A. Well, our schools still try to teach useful skills and trades instead of only teaching to be able to pass a standardized test.
B. Didn't your state vote overwhelmingly for Obama...twice?
C. Look at our curriculum. We have one of the hardest course loads, and some of the strictest requirements, of any state out of the 50. It's like "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader." We have a hard time remembering our course work from nearly a decade ago, but you guys just have to remember what you learned last week.
D. We just want you to underestimate us.
7: Why don't you sound "Southern"?
A. Because I can't do a Californian-or-New Yorker-trying-to-sound-Southern accent, which is what you usually hear in movies.
B. There are over 200 distinct accents and more than a dozen dialects of "Southern." Which one did you expect me to sound like?
C. My dad was a Yankee, and I was born up there.
D. You mean I can drop the act? Wooo dogie, ain't that a reee-leef. I shor nuff didn't thank ah could hold out much longer. I was more tangled up 'n a pig in tha bailing w'ar. It's hard tokkin all pritty-lak lak youins. You got a purty mouth.
Why is that a video?
I don't know why it's a video but I watched all 50 seconds of it.
Well, it's offensive...
This is as AU as it gets, but if you've had teenagers.....
I posted my thoughts about this after the debate.
That Hillary purposely moved in front of Trump, and then played the victim card.
Yet she is still whining about it in her "It is everyone else's fault, I lost the lost the election that was handed to me book".
So true! She was on the Today Show yesterday morning and all she did was whine and complain that she was robbed of the win and it was everybody else's fault.
It's the same here, JR.
That is awesome. The tune isn't bad either.