The Politically Correct "Holiday Party" Memos

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 1, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

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    The Politically Correct "Holiday Party" Memos
    Politically correct "Holiday Party"

    Subject: Office Christmas Party

    December 1st

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis Human Resources Director

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    December 2nd

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis Human Resources Director

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    December 3rd

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

    Patty Lewis Human Researchers Director

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    December 7th

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.

    Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table.

    Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.

    Happy now?

    Patty Lewis Human Racehorses Director

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    December 9th

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

    Patty Lewis Human Ratraces

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    December 10th

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!!

    We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes.

    But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.

    They scream when you slice them.

    I've heard them scream.

    I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

    I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

    Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

    The ***** from Hell

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    December 14th

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.

    I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director
     
  2. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    How did you get our party memos from last year? :eek:
     

  3. coffeelover23

    coffeelover23 Guest

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  4. Could be wrong but this seems like spam. ^ :why:
     
  5. SwedeSteve

    SwedeSteve Freedom Zealot Forum Contributor

  6. Spam at a holiday celebration! now that's cheep!
     
  7. mosquitofish

    mosquitofish Guest

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    Ithink I was @ that party??