The Top 11 Signs Your Driving School Instructor is Nuts 11> Conducts the first week's lessons in two chairs using imaginary driving motions and engine sounds. 10> Keeps stopping in the middle of your lesson to deliver pizzas. 9> Fails you unless you can get the airbag to pop. 8> Instead of emergency brakes on his side of the car, he has a passenger-side accelerator and a mini bar stocked with Wild Turkey and Ho Ho's. 7> Has "P - R - D - 2 - 1" painted on his fly and keeps yelling, "Shift!" 6> Has a working saw blade on the hood and mutters about "fixing Speed Racer for good". 5> Immediately fails you because his Carmen Miranda-style hat doesn't fit in your Escort. 4> Day One: "Chinese Fire Drills", "Basic Mooning Techniques" and "Reloading a 9mm at 90 mph." 3> Always divides class into "shirts" and "skins." 2> When he yells "England," you're supposed to start driving on the other side of the road. and the Number 1 Sign Your Driving School Instructor is Nuts... 1> Insists you turn off the headlights and "use the Force."