The Top 12 Signs Your Pilot Is Drunk (Part I) Unscheduled strafing run on his ex-wife's house in Paramus, New Jersey to empty toilet tanks. He keeps telling the same **** priest, rabbi and pilot joke over the intercom. Insists the lampshade is a new uniform requirement. Lands the plane on the street in front of his house because he forgot his lucky flask. His latest in-flight announcement: "Somebody bring me a friggin' cigarette or I'm gonna barrel-roll this mofo!" Points out a glacier, saying, "What a waste of good ice!" The flight attendants ask everyone to pass their spare air sickness bags to the front of the plane. Repeatedly tries to stick his head out the window to get some fresh air. Decides to fly through the arch on his approach to St. Louis. The flight attendants call him "Chuck Yeagermeister." "On behalf of Captain Morgan and myself, I'd like to apologize for clipping those tree tops." and the Number 1 Sign Your Pilot Is Drunk... Gives the finger to the ground crew and yells, "Outta my way, flashlight-boy!"