If you get a good wife,you'll become happy,if you get a bad one, youl become a philosopher. - Socrates. I was married by a judge.I should have asked for a jury.- Groucho Marx. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech,every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy Durante. I have never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa Gabor. Only Irish coffee provides all four esential food groups: alcohol,caffeine,sugar and fat in a single glass.- Alex Levine. My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,people would stop dying.- Rodney Dangerfield. Until I was thirteen,I thought my name was SHUT UP.- Joe Namath. I dont feel old.I dont feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap.- Bob Hope. Sometimes when I look at my children, I say to myself,Lillian you should have remained a virgin.- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue...No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.- Eleanor Roosevelt.