To the citizens of the United States of America,

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 11, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

    9,080
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    To the citizens of the United States of America,

    In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus satisfactorily govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

    Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1 You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
    2 Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
    3 There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
    4 You should learn to distinguish between the English and New Zealand or Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
    5 Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
    6 You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
    7 You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game
    The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

    Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

    8 You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
    9 July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
    10 All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
    11 Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
     
  2. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    Boooo! C'mon back and fight like men ya nancys!:D
     

  3. NRA that's pretty kool.___ Avitar.
     
  4. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    Maybe for halloween, I've got bats in MY belfry! :D
     
  5. Hallow's Eve. Sacrafice of cats on that night. I know what you are thinking. How would I explain the missing cats. Try LYING big time.
     
  6. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    Specially the black one that wants in and out all freaking night long and fights with the other cats in the neighborhood! I'd be doing us all a huge favor!
     
  7. Mick

    Mick G&G Addict

    HEAR HEAR! let revocation begin, Tally Ho! what.
     
  8. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    You think our English is funny...try using words from England and Scotland

    Hey Doglips...where can I get one of those Oxford English dictionaries? Sometimes I need to translate the meanings of a few words. I spent some time overseas recently and learned a few different word meanings. For example...


    car bonnet----------car hood

    car boot------------car trunk

    ben-----------------hill or mountain

    car boot sale-------garage sale out of a car

    car park------------garage

    close---------------space behind business building where people live or have smaller businesses

    cornet--------------cone for ice cream

    firth---------------wide opening to the sea(example--fourth of firth)

    garden--------------back yards

    glens----------------velleys

    hairy coo------------long haired cow in Scotland

    I dinna kin----------I don't know in Scotland

    Kippers--------------Smoked herring fish

    Kirk-----------------Church

    Lock-----------------Lake

    Loo------------------toilet

    Nettie---------------toilet stool

    Pinch----------------steal

    Scions---------------bread rolls

    Solicitor------------lawyer

    Switch card----------credit card

    Trafficator----------Directional light lever

    Whiz-----------------To show someone around

    --------------------------------

    There's more but you get the idea. We (USA citizens) use different words than the English and Scotch citizens.

    Oxford :D :nod:
     
  9. Mick

    Mick G&G Addict

    Heres a couple more:

    Scones - Biscuts

    Biscuts - cookies

    Bum - fanny

    fanny - almost the bum but a bit further to the front


    So Ox when you're over here, don't tell anyone that you're going to kick them in the fanny, could cause some confused looks:eek:
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2002
  10. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    With their English background, I'm wondering if Australians drive on the right side or left side? My guess is it's on the left.

    Of course, when driving in the bush who gives cares? (ha) :D :nod:
     
  11. Mick

    Mick G&G Addict

    On the left, exept in the bush where there are only single lane tracks, then you just dodge the ruts and potholes. oh yeah and wildlife
     
  12. NRAJOE

    NRAJOE YOU TALKIN' TO ME!? Forum Contributor

    You know your driving on the wrong side don't ya? ;) :D
     
  13. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

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    21
    Rubber = eraser NOT A CONDOM.....I once had a joint USMC and British Marine class roleing when the brit next to me asked to borrow a "rubber" (to erase a mistake on his paper) and I handed him a condom.....
    FAG = Ciggrett...that has caused a lot of fights....you doglips let me have one of your fags to puff on :)
     
  14. How about dog and bone. Anybody know. Or what is the English term for standing in line? As in citizens of England.
     
  15. Mick

    Mick G&G Addict

    Hitting the frog and toad. (road)

    Me old china plate. (mate)

    have a Captain Cook. (look) also, have a quick butchers at this. (as in butchers hook)

    tin lids(kids)

    A slab (of beer)

    having a crack o' the whip. (having a shot of rum: don't ask me I didn't make these up)
     
  16. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    I'd better put all these in one cross reference dictionary before I head your way.(ha)

    Hadn't heard of the words and phrases you wrote.
    Thanks.
    Oxford:D :nod:
     
  17. Big Dog

    Big Dog Retired IT Dinosaur Wrangler Forum Contributor

    As a Scottish friend once told me - "Scotch is a drink, the people are the Scots, lad."
    When you "knock up" your girlfriend, it's quite innocent.
    The English think the American name "Randy" is hillarious.
    English "bacon" is more like our ham.
    I'm still trying to figure out the "Toad in the Hole"!