Top Ten Ways to Tell If You're a Bad Security Guard #10) You think making "clock rounds" means winding your alarm clock. #9) You bring an alarm clock with you to work so you wake up BEFORE you get off, this time. #8) Your boss asks if want anything to drink from the store, and you say "Pick me up a 6-pack of Bud". #7) There are more food stains on your uniform than on your shift report. #6) You don't carry a radio on patrol because it doesn't pick up any rock stations. #5) There are more holes in your uniform than in your story of what REALLY happened with that girl you were caught with in the bathroom. #4) The burglars got away with more than usual (this time) because the game on ESPN went into overtime. #3) You wanted to drive the company patrol car so you could drive drunk, without the fear of getting pulled over. #2) You think the "Post Orders" book is a list of restaurants that deliver. #1) You receive a bomb threat and you say "Hold on a minute, my girlfriend's on the other line."