Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Oct 11, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips Guest

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    Understanding TODAY's Stock Market -Definitions
    Understanding The Market

    Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

    Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

    Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.

    Stock Analyst - The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets between themselves.

    Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

    Market Correction - The day after you buy your stocks.

    Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email.

    Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

    CSCO - Sidekick of Pancho. ( Now you have to be over 50 for this one.)

    Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker at $240 per share.

    Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    Institutional Investor - Past-years' investor who is now locked up in the nuthouse.

    Profit - Religious guy who talks to God. (So true.)

    Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

    Allen Greenspan - God. ( Amen.)