The following list of rules apply to each person as they enter Texas: > > > > 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. > > > > 2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. > > > > 3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one. > > > > 4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year. > > > > 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. > > > > 6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it. > > > > 7.. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. > > > > 8. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads.. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. > > > > 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. > > > > 10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women. > > > > 11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age. > > > > 12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. > > > > 13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices-salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce. > > > > 14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice, and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs,a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. > > > > 15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon. > > > > 16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. > > > > 17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards- it spooks the fish. > > > > 18. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays. > > > > 19. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so,"Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best! > > > > 20. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course. > > > > 21. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas. > > > > 22. Never ask a man where he is from. If he's from Texas he'll tell you. If he's not... why embarrass him!