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Ya'll Are Probably Wondering

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by TNPIRATE, Oct 12, 2017.


    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    The reason for the urge to fix and repair the truck, and pay off my house in a year. Well here's your answer. It was 10 years ago in July. Correct date is July 23rd, the day before the wedding anniversary of my second marriage (which ended in divorce). I was asked to leave, and rather than facing arrest (because I knew that's what would happen, it happened before) I chose to leave.
    Went and lived with my sister for 4 weeks. Long enough to get back on driving a truck. I was still in contact with friends in the area, male and female, alike. We all hung at Tony's house. Watching Tony work on bikes, while we (the guys) bugged the livin s**t out of him. Hey, what are friends for. A lot of amazing people hung out at Tony's. Most of us rode, some were just graphed in, handed em a beer and said welcome (or a cup of coffee). This hanging out is when the second wife and I met Barbara and Rose (mother and daughter, and Kellsie Rose's daughter). Had been friends for a few years.

    Well back to my living at my sisters for 4 weeks. I got back on driving a truck. And when home time came I had no place to go. didn't want to go to Tennessee cause I was hauling 48s and I could swing in there anytime. So it was back to the Central Coast of California. So I call Barbara, hey can I park my truck in your front door? And maybe when I leave I can take Rose on the road with me (everyone calls Barbara mom). Come on up, the doors open. Barbara hands the phone to Rose. I talk to Rose and told her when I was going to be up. A couple loads and I would final out in Bakersfield California, then head west on the 46 toward the coast. I had already eaten, and Rose was down in the garage (down stairs) so Barbara says go on down. Rose had it all set up. A fold up camping double bed, with an air mattress. Had beer in the down stairs fridge, and a TV set up with the cable hooked up. I was tired as it was dark when I got there, and fell asleep. I woke and Rose was gone. I stagger sleepily up the stairs to see Rose in the kitchen handing me a cup of coffee, callin my a sleepy head. I asked her where she went. Rose said she wanted to let me sleep, so I went back up to my room.

    Later that day (early afternoon) Rose asked me if I wanted to go with her. I said you drive. I planned on it was the reply. Good, don't want to look over a steering wheel until I'm ready to go. We get in Rose's Chrysler Sebring (that she looked so sexy in) and when she got ready to put the car in the D position I put my hand on top of hers. That's where it started.

    Well when it was time to leave Rose had her bags packed and in the truck the night before. Good God she was packin that truck up until midnight. We dated for almost 2 years. When I was ready to leave out, she was ready too. She met my family in Tennessee at a family reunion. My uncles and cousins fell in love with her because she crawled under the truck to fix the strap on one of the fuel tanks. They all said my kinda woman, can cook, AND work on a truck.

    Well with kids (two of my boys) and the daughter of the X, everyone of them pulling at me. And the daughter of the X filling my head with s**t, I felt like I had to run. And run I did. Rose has always been on my mind and in my heart for the past 10 years. She was there when I fell out of the truck and broke my wrist in front of her house on home time. She was the one who got me to the hospital, the orthopedic, and finally to surgery. When I came out of surgery and woke up I sat bolt upright and in loud voice looking around said WHERE'S ROSIE! The nurses had to calm me down.

    Flash forward to today. I'm not happy. Haven't been for about 5 years. I don't want the live in to be here in my home. She could leave tomorrow and it wouldn't bother me. Have you ever wanted an adventure, and wanted to run? That's what I am feeling. But there is my house. No I'm not going to sell it. Hell I couldn't afford to live in California and buy or rent a place. But still the need for the adventure. As it would happen I started really looking for Rose. I finally found her. She was on facebook. Good ol facebook. Well I watched her page for a week or more, told my kids. Kids said good. It was my youngest who said you won't know until you contact her. So I did. The way I left the last thing Rose said to me 8 years ago was YOU SOB..... So when I asked for a friend request on facebook I was expecting anything. You all know what I was expecting. But surprisingly it wasn't like that. She accepted my friend request. We have been talking for a good 2 to 3 weeks now via messenger. I'm sure Rose was/has been watching me on facebook too. She asked me about the live in. I told her all about it and how I feel. Told her that I haven't been happy for a good 5 years or better. I told Rose that I was stupid for leaving her. And told her the reason why. Told her that I had gone thru prostate surgery. Here with the live in there hasn't been any sexual contact for 4 years. The live in blames it on menopause, her back problems, and migraines. LOOK, I'm trying to keep this as civil as I possibly can. Cause let me tell ya, holdin all this s**t in makes a body want to cut and run real bad.

    Rose and I have been talking over old times on the truck. I ask her if she remembers/ed anything. Boy did she. Remembered everything. Remembered Rawlins Wyoming shut down for 3 days with an empty box in snow and ice. She put it this way last night. When we left you slid up the off ramp, and head back to the TA thru town. I told you I'm not sleeping in that truck another cold night. The dog dish with water froze with the bed blanket in it. I got the last room, 23, AND no pizza delivery:D Dam, didn't leave anything out:D She asked if I remember running across 6 lanes of interstate in Kentucky with a fire extinguisher to put the hay fire out on top of the horse trailer. Yep I do. And do you remember you (me) having to tell the 2 guys to calm down when I started unhooking the horse trailer then having the guy pull the truck away, and I got the horses out? Yep sure do. And I did, I told the 2 guys not to worry she's a farm girl and knows what she's doin.
    She ask to you remember the low boy high centering at the J in Texarkana? Almost forgot about that one. But I remembered. The one I really had to have the memory jogged on was the time Swift and their bad directions (old directions) going into the Corningware plant in NY. No place to turn around so I took the turn and moved the turn signal/street lamp a bit:D Yes cops were called, I explained and showed the cops the directions I was given, and given a warning by the cops.
    Then Rose brought up the being chased by geese at a Potlatch plant in Idaho when she took my dog Moose pee. Now that was funny:D Her words were on messenger, where the geese chase you at Potlatch. She brings up Silver Thorn Colorado going up to Steam Boat in a blizzard, and me turning around and going back down to Denver with no chains in chain effect conditions.
    So yeah Rose and I have been talking.

    Have you ever had a nawing in your gut when you want to be with a certain one? Well that's what I've been feeling, and thinking about Rose all the time. Going to bed with one of them grins that no one knows what you're grinning about.
    Well that's what I've been feeling.

    So do you see now why the need to fix the truck and pay off the house? I need that adventure. BTW Rose and I have been talking on messenger and she does a video chat, then hangs up right when I answer and the computer and her phone start to connect so we can talk. Makes me think that she really wants to talk but is afraid to. Hell after what I did, I can't blame her.
    PAPA G, minkowski1552, Cyrano and 7 others like this.
  2. blue fox

    blue fox G&G Evangelist

    Ya won't know till ya give a shot brother. Better to to try and lose than not try at all and sit around going "I wish I had"

  3. jerry

    jerry Since 2002 Forum Contributor

    Thanks for sharing.
    I get happy feet every now and then. 26 yrs of military ruined me, can’t hardly sit still.

    Good luck. Make it work.
  4. What the heck are you waiting for?!?!

    Show the live in the door, spend some time actually talking with Rose and then invite her to come out and visit if she seems open to seeing you again! Good grief, the worst thing she can tell you NO, but it doesn't sound like she will. It sounds like she's afraid you don't want to do more than chat online, clear up past problems and not go any farther.

    Your kids sound like they're behind the idea, so go for it.
    PAPA G, minkowski1552, Cyrano and 2 others like this.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    One thing that Rose said in our messages is. I asked I just might make a trip out there. She said what for, you'll just go back to Tennessee. But I got a plan for that. Summer in Tennessee, and winter in California:D Rose and her mom do own their home out there.
  6. Sounds like a plan! Or maybe she could summer with you in Tennessee and winter with you in California :)

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    As far as the live in. I have my side of the bed with my blanket. Her on her side with her blanket. Her dog, pit mix in the middle, and my little dog on the other side of me.
    I've tried to touch her. Giving, or gave up. I'm picking and she pulls and pulling away.
  8. runfiverun

    runfiverun G&G Evangelist

    I think you need to talk to Rose about this.

    you probably need to figure things out in your head and tell her without letting her sidetrack what you want to say.
    then LISTEN to what she has to say.
    never mind the house/truck plan thing at the beginning.
    that is the next step.
    PAPA G and ncnascarlady like this.
  9. runfiverun

    runfiverun G&G Evangelist

    one more thing.
    you need to then talk to the live in.
    seriously talk there is something else going on between you and it's causing the blanket problem.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    Nope nothing else goin on. Except I'm tired of her being in my home. We ain't married, ain't said I do, ain't bought no ring, ain't signed no paper.
    After 4 years of nothing ya get tired. And I'm beyond tired. No adventure. I could jump in the truck Pickup, and go to Huntsville for the day. Taking back roads both ways.

    And I ain't planning on getting back in a truck. Now it's 4 wheelers, and not 18 wheelers. Rose rode with me when I was driving for 2 years. We had lots of fun, lots of laughs, and that's what we were talking about, those 2 years.
    PAPA G and SUBMOA like this.
  11. grizcty

    grizcty God, Guns, Glory Forum Contributor

    This is probably not what you want me to say.
    But you asked, and you know I always speak my mind.
    Seems like your mom, dad, and boys all depend on you being nearby.
    All I can tell you, is to think this through with your big head.
    Make no quick decisions. Put it to prayer, and ask the big man upstairs for guidance.
    I will be praying for you.
    rando, PAPA G, SUBMOA and 3 others like this.
  12. gsbuickman

    gsbuickman G&G Evangelist

    Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm, since no one else has asked the question yet and in case anyone else is wondering, exactly how much Tennessee Mash did it take to write that post anyway ? ...
    PAPA G, Gun Junkie and TNPIRATE like this.
  13. Junction15

    Junction15 G&G Evangelist

    Have you ever seen the listings of an old TV show and thought, "Wow! We used to watch that as kids!" ? You start watching that show and you realize it just isn't quite the same as you remembered it. Oh, you might have raced home to see it every day; talked about the episode with your buddies. Maybe even watched it together with your buddies. It was the best show ever - back then.
    You are remembering that show and Rose probably is too. But it is never the same again as it once was.
    Not beating you up on this - sounds like you have done enough of that yourself - but Rose is gun shy. She gave you her heart and you got scared and ran. Once bitten, twice shy on her part.
    And if you are ready to set your "live-in" aside after 4 years (she has an "investment" in you too), are you going to do that to Rose too?

    (I'm not judging you, man, I don't know you - just pointing out that that is how people think)

    But this really is not about your live-in girlfriend . It is not about Rose. This is all about you and how you are feeling. You are unhappy and you are grieving your past. What could have been, what you might have done that you didn't. All the bad things you wish you hadn't done and all the good things you wish you had done more of.
    Nothing wrong with that, but you can't go back to the past to fix it. Maybe instead you can remember it and realize those experiences are what build your strength of character - see that those things made you who you are.

    So then, you can't relive your past. People get scared when we try to do that.
    But you will live your future. Stop trying to plan out the rest of your life in one giant step (it won't work anyway). Instead, take a single step at a time and expect nothing more than that.
    (That TV show won't be the same again - but it can still be good)

    I won't hammer on the obvious suggestion that you should start by getting stronger with God and that you will get stronger for yourself .

    Sorry if this came across as harsh. I didn't intend to insult or make it sound like I really know much of anything. Just saying how it looks from here.

    Your posts show that you have a unique insight on things. You will know what to do, when you need to do it, if you listen to your heart.
    PAPA G, grizcty, SUBMOA and 3 others like this.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    No. I was thinkin about getting me a bottle of Kraken:D I like rum:D And Capt Morgan ain't rum:D You see it was Rose who turned me on to Pyrat rum. And I love that stuff. Now she told me about Kraken so I gotta try it. Could become another favorite:D
    BTW the only mash I like is the homemade cherry mash. Had that one time and they bout didn't get the jar back:D
    PAPA G, gsbuickman and SUBMOA like this.
  15. runfiverun

    runfiverun G&G Evangelist

    TN Bud.
    trust me there is something else going between you and your live-in.
    your still there, she is still there.
    your okay with things.
    she is not okay with everything but isn't willing to leave.
    women think different then we do and she wouldn't still be there if there weren't some feelings.
    just because your not intimate doesn't mean she doesn't care, something else is holding her back.
    [trust me I've watch enough Dr Phil.]
    PAPA G likes this.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    Nope. She doesn't have a job, well not what you would call a real job. It is DNA testing for a company. One day a month, 10 bucks an hour. Most hours are 3 to 5 hours. And baby sits for a gal down the street. You can't call that work. She has no money. She got her 2 boys to move up here from Florida. One has moved out, the other has a job, and is in the Army Reserve. He rents a room and is 15 months in the rears on what he is suppose to be paying me to live here.
    She is on food stamps to buy food.
    Doesn't want to go anywhere we me. I've offered, until I'm not going to offer anymore.

    Me I like going places and doing things. Shoot I get up and would like to go somewhere. I've asked, and the answer is, no I don't want to go. Or if it involves her kids going.

    And when ya get tired, you just don't care no more.

    And not only that I do have some compassion. Hard to kick someone out when they have nothing. And my astrological sign is an Aquarius. The problem with us aquariums is we can't lie, to compassionate. It takes an aquarium a lot to get mad. A whole lot to get mad. Another problem with aquariums is we are to dam nice, for our own dam good.
    PAPA G likes this.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    Women are ruthless:D Talked with an old friend over the phone yesterday. She said the same thing. Her words were, time for her to go. I know for a fact when a woman is ready for a man to go there is no mercy.

    And yes I know Rose is scared. Shoot I don't blame her for that. I can't blame her for that.
    PAPA G and ncnascarlady like this.
  18. Yes we are ruthless when needed. And I'm a redheaded Sagittarius. That means I not only tell it like I see it, but I'm not afraid to do it. light of your post about the live in basically taking up space, unless she does all the house work and cooks for you...toss her to the curb and her son who's behind on rent, too. She's using you.

    Do not make me saddle up and drive over there to kick you in the butt about it. You won't like it while I'm doing it, but you'll thank me later. :)
    rando, jerry and PAPA G like this.

    TNPIRATE Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum Forum Contributor

    OH GOD NO..... The second wife (X) was a red head AND a Sagittarius. Believe me, I've had my dealings:D
    rando, PAPA G, Cyrano and 1 other person like this.