You just may be in the emergency medical field if: ...you refer to at least 50% of your patients as tax-sucking, oxygen thieves. ...your recreational drug of choice is adrenaline. ...your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. ...you believe that "too stupid to live" is a valid diagnosis. ...you feel that discussing dissmemberment over a gormet meal seems perfectly normal. ...you have at least once in your career been involved in a secret plot to introduce Prozac into your town's water supply. ...you have ever released your microphone button to laugh uncontrollably. ...you have ever depressed your microphone button to laugh uncontrollably. ...you believe that most dispatchers are demonically possesed. ...you've ever delivered a baby while eating a big- mac simply because "by God I bought it, and I'm gonna eat it!" ...you commonly refer to gunshot victims as having lead poisoning. ...you understand that the time of call, attitude of the patient and validity of the complaint directly affects the size of the IV needle and number of attempts. ...you've ever invented a sliding scale methodology which uses the patients weight, distance to the ambulance and number of stairs to determine his/her ability to walk to the truck. ...you commonly refer to motorcycle helmets as brain buckets. ...you commonly refer to motorcycle riders as organ donors. ...you have ever made statements such as, "I smell trauma." ...you routinely make reference to the Trauma Gods. ...your non-emergency friends tell you that you eat far too fast. ...your non-emergency friends are few and far between because they just don't seem to appreciate your sense of humor sometimes. ...you know of at least one dispatcher who is demonically posessed. ...the majority of your patients are her/his minions. ...you have ever requested caffeine or nicotine in IV form. ...you believe you should be allowed to give medical referals to Dr. Kevorkian. ...you believe great perils befall anyone who utters the phrase "I'm bored." ...you have ever promoted great perils to befall someone who uttered the phrase "I'm bored." ...you have ever been talking to a total stranger and caught yourself noticing what great veins they have. ...you have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience for either of you. ...you've ever wagered on the upcoming result of a serum alcohol level. ...you have ever thought of applying the IV therapy all at once -- up side the patient's head. ...you believe that Haldol should be an over-the-counter drug. ...you believe that there should be a Dilantin-Valium water fountain in most housing projects. ...you find any of the jokes on this page remotely humerous. ...you've ever requested an EEG because 'there cannot possibly be any activity going on up there'.