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You just may be in the emergency medical field if:

Discussion in 'The Powder Keg' started by Doglips, Aug 11, 2002.

  1. Doglips

    Doglips G&G Newbie

    You just may be in the emergency medical field if: refer to at least 50% of your patients as tax-sucking, oxygen thieves.
    ...your recreational drug of choice is adrenaline.
    ...your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. believe that "too stupid to live" is a valid diagnosis. feel that discussing dissmemberment over a gormet meal seems perfectly normal. have at least once in your career been involved in a secret plot to introduce Prozac into your town's water supply. have ever released your microphone button to laugh uncontrollably. have ever depressed your microphone button to laugh uncontrollably. believe that most dispatchers are demonically possesed.'ve ever delivered a baby while eating a big- mac simply because "by God I bought it, and I'm gonna eat it!" commonly refer to gunshot victims as having lead poisoning. understand that the time of call, attitude of the patient and validity of the complaint directly affects the size of the IV needle and number of attempts.'ve ever invented a sliding scale methodology which uses the patients weight, distance to the ambulance and number of stairs to determine his/her ability to walk to the truck. commonly refer to motorcycle helmets as brain buckets. commonly refer to motorcycle riders as organ donors. have ever made statements such as, "I smell trauma." routinely make reference to the Trauma Gods.
    ...your non-emergency friends tell you that you eat far too fast.
    ...your non-emergency friends are few and far between because they just don't seem to appreciate your sense of humor sometimes. know of at least one dispatcher who is demonically posessed.
    ...the majority of your patients are her/his minions. have ever requested caffeine or nicotine in IV form. believe you should be allowed to give medical referals to Dr. Kevorkian. believe great perils befall anyone who utters the phrase "I'm bored." have ever promoted great perils to befall someone who uttered the phrase "I'm bored." have ever been talking to a total stranger and caught yourself noticing what great veins they have. have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience for either of you.'ve ever wagered on the upcoming result of a serum alcohol level. have ever thought of applying the IV therapy all at once -- up side the patient's head. believe that Haldol should be an over-the-counter drug. believe that there should be a Dilantin-Valium water fountain in most housing projects. find any of the jokes on this page remotely humerous.'ve ever requested an EEG because 'there cannot possibly be any activity going on up there'.
  2. Oxford

    Oxford G&G Evangelist

    If you've delivered more babies along the road than your wife had in hospitals.

    If you couldn't stand the sight of blood during disections in your high school biology class but are now expected to wrap up bleeding bodies.