You Know You Need A New Lawyer When... * When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. * During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. * He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." * He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose." * During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. * He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." * Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. * He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. * He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.