You Need a New Car When... - You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you. - You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced. - You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing. - The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk." - The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker. - You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo. - Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift. - The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car. - The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.